Hold on to God in Times of Grief
June 9, 2010
When my children were little we spent a week of each summer at the seashore. I have memories of sand castles landscaped with sea shells, of sea gulls scavenging for cookie scraps, of the smell of Coppertone, eating French fries on the boardwalk at noon, flying bright red and yellow kites at sunset, and steaming crabs for dinner. It doesn’t take much to entertain a small child at the seashore. But as teens my children rated the day by how big the waves were. The bigger the wave the better the ride!
I didn’t share my children’s passion for swimming in the surf. When I watched a wave rising higher and higher as it came closer and closer, I knew it could knock me over, pull me down, and leave my nose and eyes salty and stinging. As a child playing in the surf, my mom and dad would be on either side of me, holding my hands and lifting me above the waves. As I got older I learned to dive headfirst into the wave before it could break. I learned to swim out beyond where the waves break, where the water is calmer.
Living with grief is like swimming in the ocean when the surf is up. Any loss can throw us into grief: the death of a loved one, chronic illness, a broken relationship or failing marriage, the loss of a job or any opportunity. Sometimes the end of a day that was not what we hoped it would be can throw us into grief. Grief comes in waves, crashing down, knocking us off our feet, pulling us down and under. Some days the best we can do is dive headfirst into grief and get through it. For me, diving into grief means spending some part of each day writing in my journal, reflecting on scripture, talking to my spiritual director, calling a friend with whom I can cry.
Some days the best we can do is swim out beyond the waves to a place of calm. I find calm serenity through silent prayer, walking, gardening, sitting in the sunshine.
This prayer from the Episcopalian Book of Common Prayer is a daily reminder to me that God takes my hands and lifts me above the waves into His quiet presence: “Oh God of peace, who has taught us that in returning and rest we shall be saved, in quietness and in confidence shall be our strength: By the might of your Spirit lift us, we pray, to your presence where we may be still and know that you are God; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.”
Someone has said, “Don’t dread the waves of grief; instead embrace the Lord in them.” Every day we can discover ourselves being held on each side by a God who lifts us above the grief to a place of strength. Sometimes we can’t swim out beyond the surf or dive headfirst into it. Sometimes the best we can do is hold on to God who is holding on to us.
